NOT PRO PLEASE SEEK HELP DO NOT BE LIKE ME

i wont eat until ive got a perfect body
height: 4'9
cw: 117.5
gw1: 115 gw2: 110 gw3: 100 gw4: 90 ugw: 85
anys ed upates here
july 5th 10:28pm: i have basically succeeded in almost completely surpressing my appetite. so fucking happy. the only problem now is dodging food. my mother is gone most weekends so fasting is super easy so is during the day when shes at work. but when she IS home or when we have to see family its almost impossible. ive offered to make my own dinners to control my portions but she wont let up and i have to have to eat every last bite i dont wanna resort to purging but i dont wanna keep this food down anymore.
july 11th 2:56pm: i havent eaten for 21 hours i didnt even realzie i had made it this far, i usally give in at around 17 hours (like yesterday) but im proud for making it this far ill b alone for a couple days lets see how long i can keep this up
july 11th 10pm: made it to 26 hours. i was out with friends and i couldnt back out. i failed. i always fail. no food for the next day and hopefully the day after that. i dont even get hungry anymore.
july 12th 10:14pm: why the fuck am i like this? i was so good at resisting now ive gone to shit. i ate so god damn much i made it to 25 hours and fucking gave in. i had such an urge to throw up its too late now, i hate myself when will i be good at something. im so disgusted with myself. everytime i eat i feel like ill gain.
july 13th 10:24pm: went 21 hours but i got rlly fuckin high and ate lmao im not rlly made abt it cuz i was running around so much so i must have burend LOTS of calories